Have a laugh!

Laymans Medical Dictionary

Artery : study of paintings
Barium : what to do when treatment fails (Bury em)
Caesarean Section : a district in Rome
Cardiology : advanced study of card games.
Cat Scan : searching for ones lost kitty
Coma : punctuation mark
Dilate : to live long (die late)
ICU : Caught you
Medical Staff : a doctor's cane
Nitrate : cheaper than the Day Rate
Node: was aware of (knowed)
Organic : organ repairman
Pathological : a reasonable way to go (logical path)
Pharmacist : person who makes a living dealing in agriculture (farm assist)
Post-Operative : a letter carrier
Protein : in favor of young people (pro-teen)
Secretion : hiding something
Urine : opposite of "You're Out" !

JOKES

Patient to optometrist: I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances? Optometrist to patient: Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference.

Patient walks into a doctor's office. Patient: Doctor, people ignore me. Doctor: Next!

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 200 bones in the human body? Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!


This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" Patient: Well, give me the bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. Patient: OH NO! That's awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this??? Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

Psychiatrist: What is your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards! Psychiatrist: Sit over there and I'll deal with you later.

CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOUR FOR PATIENTS:

1.Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
2.Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
3.Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
4.Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.
5.Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
6.Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.

CARTOONS
















(Jokes are from : http://www.geocities.com/abhinith/funnies.htm)
(Cartoons are from: http://www.cerebralvortexcartoons.com/ and http://www.almediacartoons.com/ )

The third year of medicine

If any one reading this has passed or is studying the third year of medicine he/she knows exactly what I am going through. Any first/second year medical students or pre-meds look away!
How did I fare in my first two years? Spells of laziness combined with exam frenzy producing results ranging from poor to very good.
Now having finished my first semester and basking in the delights of holiday, time can't be flying any faster: with only two weeks to go until the begining of the second semester I am my wits end with how to balance my revision and my free-time (which I am spending infront of the T.V. and Laptop because of the silent neighborhood I am living in).
For those of you who don't know the first thing about medical study the first three years are reffered to as basic sience and the final two are the clinical years.
Now with the basic sience we have the first two years in which we study: Anatomy (cutting up dead bodies and learning the different parts down to the last centimeter-my favirote-); Biochemistry ( ...if you don't know what this means I will kill you); Physiology (mechanisms of how the different body parts function...sounds easy dunnit-killer subject-);Histology (Anatomys cousin once removed ... studying the different tissues of homo sapiens under the lens). In the third year we study: Parasitology (basicly all the worms that live inside you and also some other things); Pathology (any abnormality in the body gross and microscopic);Pharmacology (drugs ...simple? NO); Microbiology (bacteria and viruses with the Immune system mixed in for horrid taste).
The thing with the third year is that they (call them whatever you want) stuff us with a staggering amount of information as fast as they possibly can, while the unfortunate students (us) wonder:why in the world did we choose medicine as a career.
Pray for me ....